The Power of Curiosity
When people dig in, curiosity is the only thing that gets them to move. I’ve seen it turn adversaries into collaborators in hours—not months.
In one bitter pay dispute between management and public-sector doctors—made worse by a public scandal—both sides were dug in.
Instead of trading demands, each was asked to list their “top 10 interests.” It wasn’t just about pay or pride. For the first time, they discovered shared priorities: respect, safety, quality patient care.
Once curiosity cracked the door, new solutions appeared—and they left with an agreement and their dignity.
The same dynamic plays out far beyond industrial relations.
Why Common Ground Starts with Curiosity
Whether it’s boardroom stand-offs or national debates, identity and overconfidence can lock people into positions that facts alone won’t shift.
When what we believe is tied to who we are, any challenge can feel like an attack.
Think of conflict like two islands separated by rough water. Without curiosity, you’re both shouting from your own shore. With it, you start looking for solid ground in the middle—a shared social identity you can build a bridge to. Step by step, question by question, you meet in a place where progress is possible.
Light et al. (2022) found that people who strongly reject scientific consensus—on climate change, vaccines, or GMOs—often know less than they think.
This “super Dunning-Kruger” effect is amplified when beliefs are woven into social identity. In these moments, curiosity isn’t “soft”—it’s a leadership discipline for breaking echo chambers.
As Charles Duhigg writes in Supercommunicators,
“Curiosity is what turns a confrontation into a conversation.”
— Charles Duhigg
Inter-relational Expertise in Action
His practical advice for leaders:
- Draw out multiple identities. People are more than their titles. Invite them to share what else matters—parent, volunteer, runner, music lover.
- Level the field. Curiosity flourishes when everyone can speak and be heard without fear—step away from the hierarchy and formal roles to connect at a human level.
- Look for common ground. Find a social identity you share and use it as a bridge from “us” and “them” to “we.”
This is Inter-relational Expertise—one of the five capabilities in my Centring Star framework. It’s how leaders move from defending their corner to expanding the field.
Before the week is out, who do you need to understand better—and what bridge could you start building?
