If eyes are the windows to the soul, your questions are a window to your values.
The way you ask questions reveals what you care about, what you expect, and how you relate to others.
As an executive, John (not his real name) had a vision for innovation and growth. However, he felt his team didn’t get what he was trying to achieve. They seemed to resist his ideas, avoid his feedback, and question his decisions. He was frustrated and angry, and this often came across in what he thought were coaching-focused questions during team meetings.
He would ask things like “What led you to choose this method?”, “Can you identify the challenges in this approach?”, and “What’s slowing down your progress?”. Although intended as constructive, his questions came across as accusatory, critical, and impatient. He believed he was motivating his team to elevate their performance, but in reality, he undermined their trust and confidence.
John’s team gave feedback that they didn’t feel he was authentic. They felt he was not genuinely interested in their opinions, perspectives, or feelings. They felt he was only looking for confirmation of his own views, or worse, for mistakes he could blame them for.
This all changed when John started to align his questions with his personal values. John realised that he valued innovation, excellence, and collaboration, but his questions did not reflect that. He learned to ask questions that were open, positive, and supportive. He started asking things like, “How could this method enhance our innovation goals?” “What successes have you found with this approach?” and “How can we all contribute to overcoming your challenges?”. His questions were inviting, appreciative, and empowering. He showed he cared about his team’s learning, achievements, and challenges. He showed that he was curious, respectful, and collaborative.
When John discovered the power of asking questions aligned with his values, he noticed a shift in his team. It wasn’t only good for his team; he benefitted directly.
They began to listen to him more. They openly shared their ideas and sought his feedback. They told him they liked that he was being more genuine, interested, and supportive.
As Spanish philosopher José Ortega y Gasset said, “Tell me what you pay attention to and I will tell you who you are.”
Questions can be like mirrors that reveal a leader’s true self. When used with skill, they give your team a deeper insight into what you value and become an invitation for your team to respond in kind.
Ron Carucci’s research, highlighted in his Harvard Business Review article “Build Your Reputation as a Trustworthy Leader,” based on 15 years of research, supports this outcome. Carucci’s research showed that trustworthy leaders are those who, amongst other things, consistently embody their declared values.
So, how can you start asking questions that reflect your values? Here are three practical tips to get you started:
- Identify Your Core Values: Determine the guiding principles of your life and work. Write these down and prioritise them.
- Review Your Questions: Examine the questions you typically ask your team. Assess whether they align with your values and whether they are framed positively and openly.
- Reframe Your Questions: Adjust your questions to better reflect your values, ensuring they are positive, open, and supportive. Practice asking questions that reflect your values.
